Fingertip Titans UniteFive Easy Ways To Make Friends
September 28th 2006 00:52
People skills, do you have 'em? Where can you buy 'em if you don't? Are they really that important?
Yep. They are. by "People Skills" I'm referring to the ability to deal with people in any situation. It's been said by the great teachers, Most notably Dale Carnegie, and Norman Vincent Peale that your ability to deal with people will take you farther in life than a degree.
I am a living testament to that fact. Not that I'm the most highly developed person in the world, but my personality is a compassionate, empathic person. Plus, I learned at a very young age that people like or love you not because of the way they feel about YOU, but because of the way YOU make THEM feel about THEMSELVES.
Ponder this a moment. Have you ever gone to a fast food restaurant and had service that left you shaking your head, saying "This is the next generation of leaders?" You know what I mean, They meander up to the counter or window, and say with a blank expression "Can I take your order?" Maybe they never make eye contact, probably never smile the whole time. I don't think I'm especially prejudicial against cashiers, but I've noticed this happens alot. It leaves you feeling like just another number or an intruder.
Now, think about when you go shopping at a department store, usually, they greet you immediately, offer to help you any way they can, compliment you on your choices, even if you look like a wet hen in a silk swimsuit, but you wind up leaving thinking "What a nice guy or gal" You know it's because they earn from the sale, but doesn't it kinda give you a pick-me-up just to have someone smile and pay attention to you?
Here's the catch. MOST people are so busy worrying about what YOU think of THEM that they never bother to form an opinion about you. This was a hard one for me to grasp. I was so certain that everyone knew all about me, and were judging me silently behind their smiles. I finally realized this wasn't true, and life took off for me, because I began to tap into that desire for people to feel good about THEMSELVES. I'd like to share a list of things you can do to make people feel good about themselves, and consequently, feel good about YOU.
1. Smile-not just a people you're engaging in conversation, but at everyone. Especially the ones who look like they might bite your ear off if you speak to them. I've found the most rewarding exchanges are the ones you have to put a little effort into initiating.
2. Sincere compliments- I wouldn't comment on things that people may have hangups about: the shape of their nose, weight, or similar things. But if someones earrings catch your eye, make a comment, ask where she got them, Here's a tip. Women LOVE to be complimented on their looks, Men love to be complimented on their character. So a compliment of "You are always so punctual" is a great one for a guy, and a woman would probably rather hear something like "Right on time, and Looking Fine" (but not in a creepy way, please)
3. Listen- When you do engage someone in conversation, ask questions about them, their life, more info about what they are talking about, lean toward them, express interest. Your story can wait, right now is all about THEM, and they will find YOU fascinating as a result.
4. Can the Gossip-I can't be the only one who gets suspicious of someone who blasts away at everyone when they are talking to me. Surely if they will be that mean to others, they will talk about me like that when I'm not around. This is something people know on an emotional level, although they may not be able to put it into words. Try to give everyone a positive slant, if it's not possible, maybe they don't deserve for you to give them that much recognition, so just don't talk about them.
5. Eye Contact- It has to be said, make eye contact with people. Not a creepy, neverending stare, but a reasonable amount of eye contact. It is natural instinct for people not to trust those who can't or won't make eye contact during a conversation. This is especially important when THEY are speaking, to show you're listening.
For more articles on Self Improvement, See Susan's website, http://abundancefeelsgood.com
Yep. They are. by "People Skills" I'm referring to the ability to deal with people in any situation. It's been said by the great teachers, Most notably Dale Carnegie, and Norman Vincent Peale that your ability to deal with people will take you farther in life than a degree.
I am a living testament to that fact. Not that I'm the most highly developed person in the world, but my personality is a compassionate, empathic person. Plus, I learned at a very young age that people like or love you not because of the way they feel about YOU, but because of the way YOU make THEM feel about THEMSELVES.
Ponder this a moment. Have you ever gone to a fast food restaurant and had service that left you shaking your head, saying "This is the next generation of leaders?" You know what I mean, They meander up to the counter or window, and say with a blank expression "Can I take your order?" Maybe they never make eye contact, probably never smile the whole time. I don't think I'm especially prejudicial against cashiers, but I've noticed this happens alot. It leaves you feeling like just another number or an intruder.
Now, think about when you go shopping at a department store, usually, they greet you immediately, offer to help you any way they can, compliment you on your choices, even if you look like a wet hen in a silk swimsuit, but you wind up leaving thinking "What a nice guy or gal" You know it's because they earn from the sale, but doesn't it kinda give you a pick-me-up just to have someone smile and pay attention to you?
Here's the catch. MOST people are so busy worrying about what YOU think of THEM that they never bother to form an opinion about you. This was a hard one for me to grasp. I was so certain that everyone knew all about me, and were judging me silently behind their smiles. I finally realized this wasn't true, and life took off for me, because I began to tap into that desire for people to feel good about THEMSELVES. I'd like to share a list of things you can do to make people feel good about themselves, and consequently, feel good about YOU.
1. Smile-not just a people you're engaging in conversation, but at everyone. Especially the ones who look like they might bite your ear off if you speak to them. I've found the most rewarding exchanges are the ones you have to put a little effort into initiating.
2. Sincere compliments- I wouldn't comment on things that people may have hangups about: the shape of their nose, weight, or similar things. But if someones earrings catch your eye, make a comment, ask where she got them, Here's a tip. Women LOVE to be complimented on their looks, Men love to be complimented on their character. So a compliment of "You are always so punctual" is a great one for a guy, and a woman would probably rather hear something like "Right on time, and Looking Fine" (but not in a creepy way, please)
3. Listen- When you do engage someone in conversation, ask questions about them, their life, more info about what they are talking about, lean toward them, express interest. Your story can wait, right now is all about THEM, and they will find YOU fascinating as a result.
4. Can the Gossip-I can't be the only one who gets suspicious of someone who blasts away at everyone when they are talking to me. Surely if they will be that mean to others, they will talk about me like that when I'm not around. This is something people know on an emotional level, although they may not be able to put it into words. Try to give everyone a positive slant, if it's not possible, maybe they don't deserve for you to give them that much recognition, so just don't talk about them.
5. Eye Contact- It has to be said, make eye contact with people. Not a creepy, neverending stare, but a reasonable amount of eye contact. It is natural instinct for people not to trust those who can't or won't make eye contact during a conversation. This is especially important when THEY are speaking, to show you're listening.
For more articles on Self Improvement, See Susan's website, http://abundancefeelsgood.com
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